A Letter To You

My friends,

I almost disappeared. But then he told me that these words, way back when, helped him realized he loved me. So I decided, something that soul-touching is not worth leaving. This, though, is an ending of an era. Not just on this blog. Of myself. It's an end to long hair (for a while), high school, hiding my face, and waiting for something to happen. So some things might change. Like formats and photos and the level of whimsy. But that's all ok. Change is scary but it's necessary. Lately I've been in the throes of its waves. It's hard to ride them calmly and not thrash about, but I'm doing my best. How about you?

Please tell me how you're doing. You've all been in my thoughts always.

Love,

Vivian

How to Read Poetry like You're In a YA Novel

Poetry.

Let's all be real about it for a second.

If you've been following this blog then you know I write poetry. Sometimes, I think I speak poetry better then normal dialogue. It's my soul-language, and possibly the art from I derive the most joy from.

But also, culturally, in the age group most likely reading this (millennials/gen Z), poetry has become somewhat of an aesthetic. And by that I mean this: we like to frame it on canvas and take photos of our doc martens and pretty socks and Rupi Kaur's Milk and Honey, we read quotes by Virginia Woolf and tattoo T.S. Eliot on our arms, but, at least partially, I feel like it's all somewhat of a facade. Has anyone else noticed that YA characters typically read about 3000% more poetry than the average teen? And you wonder, how do all these kids my age know to quote Dickinson off the top of their heads? How many sixteen year old boys read Leaves of Grass on a whim? I don't know what sorts of high schools you go to, but I don't believe I've ever met a single teenage boy who read Leaves of Grass without any prompting and for the sheer fun of it. In fact, I don't know that I know a single teenager who's read Leaves of Grass in general, and that includes me (sorry Walt, Whitman, I promise I will as soon as I can).

Now, if you're like me, you don't want to admit that the reality is, poetry is more accessible as an aesthetic than as reading material. Poetry is confusing. It's hard to understand. It's written in a million different ways, and, although beautiful, often quite difficult to read with understanding. Why don't you want to admit this? Because you want to read it. You want to be the person who can quote Robert Frost and know that The Road Not Taken is actually not about choosing the right path, its about the absoluteness of choices. You don't just want to read Milk and Honey, you want to feel it, you want to call Rupi Kaur on the phone and ask her just how she so beautifully translated her soul onto these black and white pages. You want to be that YA poetry kid!! You want to be a cookie-cutter John Green character who reads Edna St. Vincent Millay and listens to music from Woodstock on your vintage vinyl record-player and goes on crazy adventures to understand just what poets mean when they write about dark woods and open skies and heartbreak and fleas and what do they mean?? How do we, as young-people, as what some people might call the brain-washed generation but I'd rather call the curious generation, who are full of advertising and report cards and soundbites, how do we rediscover history, and rediscover art, and find ourselves in poetry? How do we learn to read?

I'm learning too. But here's my tips, from one novice poetic adventurer to another:

i.
Buy a poetry book. Go second hand. Take your best friend or your neighbor or nobody at all. Go to the used book store or the goodwill or the library sale. Or, even, Amazon. Just buy it. You don't have to understand it to buy it. Admit you don't understand it, don't pretend like you do, and buy it anyways!! Embrace the unknown!

personally, I recommend starting with: Dickinson, Frost, Kaur, Millay, Eliot, Williams, or any other that strikes your fancy. You could also consider getting a poetry book that includes a compilation of many poems. I'm thoroughly enjoying The Seagull Reader: Poems, which was a book I purchased for school but is easy to read and holds many prominent poets and poems with convenient biographies.

ii.
Read over once. Mark the text if you want (I am getting really into marking up poems). But, here's the most important one: if you don't get it, don't get mad at yourself. Don't consider yourself a fake fan of poetry. Don't stop! Admit you don't understand it! Be proud because you are one of the few people who doesn't have to pretend to be good at something right off the bat in order to enjoy it, and can be happy in the learning process! Remember, you don't have to read in order (unless the books is written to be read in order- if it's more of a collection of poems you're allowed to skip around).

iii.
WIKIPEDIA
seriously
it's your best friend
After you've read the poem once, search the poet. Read up on their life. I always find it super fascinating to read about poets (they live crazy art-filled lives). Reading about the artists always helps give insight into the art. Remember, poetry is, often, personal. It's not always meant to be understood on the first go. It takes some research sometimes.

iv.
Google: analysis of Robert Frost's "After Apple-Picking"
This isn't cheating. I promise. This is learning. Read as many analysis's as you can stomach. See if you agree. Often, finding your footing with the help of a few outside experts can help you to form your own opinions and interpretations of the poem.

v.
Read again. Now that you have some interpretations of the poem under your belt, reading it will come so much easier and you will see all the beauty of the language. Mark it up again if you want. Find the metaphors! Make connections! Get excited because it's exciting to understand, to really, fully, read poetry. It's wonderful actually. I don't know if I've ever felt a joy quite the same as untangling another artist's meaning. As a poet myself, I always find it most meaningful to read with the poet in mind. Think back to the Wikipedia page and imagine how the poet themselves would've wanted you to read it (starting with the title? while listening to sad songs from junior high? on a beach chair in Hawaii?). More importantly, what message did the poet want you to take away from this? What emotion? What meaning?

vi.
Take your poetry with you. Wear your book pages thin and leave markings all over. Take the aesthetic photos of you and your Walt Whitman (because you finally read it! and you understood it!) laying in a field of grass with poppies braided in your hair or in the shoelaces of your sneakers. Tattoo your favorite lines on your skin (with sharpie or with needles, your choice). Go on grand adventures to the duck pond and to the beach and bring your poetry with you. Practice memorizing it if you want, so you can whip out your lines when you most need them for that aesthetic, poetic, romantic moment. Most importantly, remember art is not a competition. It's not a race. It's not a chart that you have to fill with gold stars. It's art. Let it be just that, and revel in it.

And you didn't even need to be a John Green character after all, did you?
(to be honest, I like you better than any John Green character I've ever read. sorry John Green)

If you're already a seventeen year old poetry protege, please forgive me for underestimating you. You are truly an inspiration to us all. Give us your recommendations and tell us how you came to possess such astounding poetic genius! We are your students. The comments are your classroom.

Everyone else:
Thank you for embarking on this post with me. Please tell me your favorite poets. And let me know if this post helped you/ inspired you/ encouraged you to read poetry.

lots of love <3

Life Updates + Botanic Garden

Hello everyone! I hope you are all having lovely Februarys. I thought it would be nice to do a pleasant little life update post and check in with you all and see how your months are going. Here's what's up with me:

I actually did my school's poetry slam! And made it to the top four! It was terrifying but such an awesome experience. I feel so proud to have made it so far.

My family is moving in two weeks, so that's exciting. If you've noticed, my youtube is at a bit of a standstill. That's because I'll be getting a new art studio space at the new house, and am a little in transition as far as all my art goes. But don't worry, I'll be putting more videos up soon!

Valentine's day was lovely. These photos are from a the Botanic gardens, my boyfriend took me there as a special surprise. Poppies are my favorite, and they were all in bloom! So gorgeous.

I've been watching a lot of stuff. I saw the Black Panther premier on Thursday which was AMAZING. Highly recommend. Such a phenomenal superhero movie. I also just finished Planet Earth II, which so far is my favorite show of 2018 (i'm such a nerd don't judge me).

I'm all in transition right now, and it's a bit of a wild ride. But I'm doing all right. Let me know how you're doing. Keep blooming <3

There Is Death In This Town

There is death in this town

And I am distant

Far away from where

Heartbeats and fingertips and nicknames and favorite flowers and the way she looked in that yellow dress

Were buried

They tell me my memory is not working and the time is

Sifting out of my skull like hour-glasses full of

White

Powdery ashes

There is death in this town

I sit and I smile

In plastic blue seats

These smiles are genuine

I laugh

There is laughter

There is green there is blue

There is the trickle of rain once thought beautiful and craved in a thirsty dry desert

Now deadly and dreaded

Over the rusted corners of drain-pipes like tears

Two day-old raindrops now

Puddles

Left to be washed

Down the cement

There is death in this town

But my house is

Too many off-ramps away

To see the

Mud-graves of those lost

I do not know them

I cannot draw their faces or

Write their names

But they were close and they were alive and we never met

But now I know them and they will never

Know me

There is death in this town

I drive to my lesson once more

Sheet music sits in the passenger seat

Full of little black lines that translate to sounds full of melancholy

Flipping through

Crackling radio stations

I used to prefer the music

Now I listen to

Lipsticked and pressed-tie reporters

Grave voices and the slight

Drift in their speech like

A sad song from long ago

Now remembered

They count the closed eyelids and I

Wonder what I should feel

There is death in this town

I see it in the

Uncertain faces of my peers

We wait for

Something

A news report or a

Carefully written editorial

An intercom announcement

Or a love letter sent home

A phone call a voicemail a left-over diary

Barely readable

Some of us know people

Some of us don’t

Some of us knew people

Some of us didn’t

Some of us are stuck

And we cannot get to them or to ourselves

There is death in this town and

The sun resurfaces

Helicopters fly over the

Stacked window-wall of my art classroom

I hold paint brushes in my hand and watch them go

Left to right to left and I hope

They’re carrying someone and I hope

There is breath in their lungs

There is death in this town and

I pray

But I’m

Not quite sure

What to pray for so

I just

Send a sad song to His gates and

A few hopes and few fears and

Ask for a map and that his lips and her cheeks would not be

Cold

To the touch

There is death in this town and

This is what

Is.

it is sad here. mudslides have left a lot of people lost and dead. maybe you've seen us on the news. it's been a tough season for my city. fires and floods and hurting people. i want to recognize those hurting. prayer is beautiful and heals and comforts. please pray.

Youtube Channel + Happy New Year!

Hello Followers! I hope you all had a lovely holiday, and have gotten some rest and relaxation from the usual busyness of life. I have been thinking of you all and am so thankful for all the ways all my lovely readers, followers, and friends have blessed me over the years. I have some very important (and long awaited) news, which is...

My Youtube Channel is finally up and running!

I am so excited to finally launch my very own art Youtube Channel so I can inspire and share with others not only through my blog, but also through a new platform, Youtube. It will change up my blog a little, but don't worry, I'm hoping to keep my presence equal on both my blog and youtube, and combine them in a collaboration. Here's what will happen:

My blog will contain:

-book reviews

-poetry

-short stories

-lifestyle posts

-thoughts

-playlists and mixtapes

-tags

My youtube will contain:

-speedpaints

sketchbook flip-throughs

-art supplies reviews

-studio vlogs/sketching vlogs

So basically, what I'm hoping to do is create a more visual arts oriented space on my Youtube and refine my blog into a more literature/prose focused space, while still keeping around my half-aesthetic life updates and attempts at photography. I invite you to follow both, or, if you prefer one or the other, to follow either my Youtube or blog. It's up to you. I'm so excited to share this adventure with you, as many people have been requesting more art-focused posts, I think this will be a great way to get you that content in it's best format.

Long term, if my Youtube is successful, an online art shop could be a possibility. A lot of you know it's long been my dream to open an Etsy, and I'm thinking that this might get my the publicity I need to make that a reality. Just saying.

Thank you for being patient with me as I worked out all the challenges of this project, I'm so excited to get it up and running. Lot's of love to all of you <3