January Playlist

Some new songs for all of you. Comment favorites :)

Homemade Dynamite- Lorde

Love You Madly- Cake

Take on me- a-ha

Devil In Me- Halsey

BITE- Troye Sivvan

Motion Sickness- Phoebe Bridgers

The First Time Ever I saw Your Face- Offa Rex

Mariner's Revenge- The Decemberists

The Outsider- Marina and the Diamonds

This Eve of Parting- John Hartford

She Will Be Loved- Maroon Five

Perfect- Ed Sheeran

Harsh Light- Nate Ruess

Youth- Daughter

All those friendly people - Funeral Suits

Only for you- Heartless Bastards

When the lights go out- Crybaby

Think of You- Bleached

Glazin’- Jacuzzi boys

Shelter song- Temples

Take Me Somewhere Nice- Mogwai

Twin size mattress- The Front Bottoms

Through Your Eyes- Blue Sushi

Peach Milk- Decade

p.s. do you guys like these playlist posts? Let me know if they bore you. I don't know if my music taste is actually good or not so XD

There Is Death In This Town

There is death in this town

And I am distant

Far away from where

Heartbeats and fingertips and nicknames and favorite flowers and the way she looked in that yellow dress

Were buried

They tell me my memory is not working and the time is

Sifting out of my skull like hour-glasses full of

White

Powdery ashes

There is death in this town

I sit and I smile

In plastic blue seats

These smiles are genuine

I laugh

There is laughter

There is green there is blue

There is the trickle of rain once thought beautiful and craved in a thirsty dry desert

Now deadly and dreaded

Over the rusted corners of drain-pipes like tears

Two day-old raindrops now

Puddles

Left to be washed

Down the cement

There is death in this town

But my house is

Too many off-ramps away

To see the

Mud-graves of those lost

I do not know them

I cannot draw their faces or

Write their names

But they were close and they were alive and we never met

But now I know them and they will never

Know me

There is death in this town

I drive to my lesson once more

Sheet music sits in the passenger seat

Full of little black lines that translate to sounds full of melancholy

Flipping through

Crackling radio stations

I used to prefer the music

Now I listen to

Lipsticked and pressed-tie reporters

Grave voices and the slight

Drift in their speech like

A sad song from long ago

Now remembered

They count the closed eyelids and I

Wonder what I should feel

There is death in this town

I see it in the

Uncertain faces of my peers

We wait for

Something

A news report or a

Carefully written editorial

An intercom announcement

Or a love letter sent home

A phone call a voicemail a left-over diary

Barely readable

Some of us know people

Some of us don’t

Some of us knew people

Some of us didn’t

Some of us are stuck

And we cannot get to them or to ourselves

There is death in this town and

The sun resurfaces

Helicopters fly over the

Stacked window-wall of my art classroom

I hold paint brushes in my hand and watch them go

Left to right to left and I hope

They’re carrying someone and I hope

There is breath in their lungs

There is death in this town and

I pray

But I’m

Not quite sure

What to pray for so

I just

Send a sad song to His gates and

A few hopes and few fears and

Ask for a map and that his lips and her cheeks would not be

Cold

To the touch

There is death in this town and

This is what

Is.

it is sad here. mudslides have left a lot of people lost and dead. maybe you've seen us on the news. it's been a tough season for my city. fires and floods and hurting people. i want to recognize those hurting. prayer is beautiful and heals and comforts. please pray.

Youtube Channel + Happy New Year!

Hello Followers! I hope you all had a lovely holiday, and have gotten some rest and relaxation from the usual busyness of life. I have been thinking of you all and am so thankful for all the ways all my lovely readers, followers, and friends have blessed me over the years. I have some very important (and long awaited) news, which is...

My Youtube Channel is finally up and running!

I am so excited to finally launch my very own art Youtube Channel so I can inspire and share with others not only through my blog, but also through a new platform, Youtube. It will change up my blog a little, but don't worry, I'm hoping to keep my presence equal on both my blog and youtube, and combine them in a collaboration. Here's what will happen:

My blog will contain:

-book reviews

-poetry

-short stories

-lifestyle posts

-thoughts

-playlists and mixtapes

-tags

My youtube will contain:

-speedpaints

sketchbook flip-throughs

-art supplies reviews

-studio vlogs/sketching vlogs

So basically, what I'm hoping to do is create a more visual arts oriented space on my Youtube and refine my blog into a more literature/prose focused space, while still keeping around my half-aesthetic life updates and attempts at photography. I invite you to follow both, or, if you prefer one or the other, to follow either my Youtube or blog. It's up to you. I'm so excited to share this adventure with you, as many people have been requesting more art-focused posts, I think this will be a great way to get you that content in it's best format.

Long term, if my Youtube is successful, an online art shop could be a possibility. A lot of you know it's long been my dream to open an Etsy, and I'm thinking that this might get my the publicity I need to make that a reality. Just saying.

Thank you for being patient with me as I worked out all the challenges of this project, I'm so excited to get it up and running. Lot's of love to all of you <3

Copper Tears

before

I like to watch time

Drift by

On Monday afternoons

Behind motels on little walked staircases

Green moss climbing the cement and rust dripping it’s copper tears down the railings

I rest my head on your shoulder and let us listen to the world spin

For a while

I try not to fill it too full with my curious tongue

But I taste the questions on my lips

I whisper

And?

You reassure

Tuck my fingers over the little seed pod and tell me I’m special

Ok

I’ll try

I’ll try.

And then I ask about her

And I don’t like to think about these things chronologically

But she knew you first

And she had you heart first

And I guess

sometimes

When I’m cold and pathetic and so self-centered

I wonder if she still has a few pieces

Tucked away somewhere in a box under a wooden bed

You can’t reassure me

As easily

This time

And I lurch

Into myself

Too quickly

Hey

I mutter to the seams on my shoulders

Shh

Don’t think so fast

And I grab my wrists and pull myself back out

And ask more

Things

While the seedpod crumbles in my palm

We’re two different people

Existing

On either side of your mind

Or at least that’s how I imagine it but I’m sure that’s not really how you see it

She knows a lot about me

She knows my name and the color of my hair and the people that walk circles around me

Does she know I don’t know about her?

Sometimes I imagine her

With you

I bet

She’s nice and has long hair and soft eyes

I bet she tells good jokes and has seen all the movies you love

And why am I doing this??

Don’t listen to me

My one reader, my long lost friend, my brown-black eyes and genuine smile

Don’t listen

To the suspiciousness of tired afternoons

Promise me you’re not thinking of me

As a rose with green thorns of envy

Because

I’m whispering secrets

In your ear

Of the sick need I have

For some sort of reassurance

That I mean more than dots on a map

Don’t listen to these worms that twist into words like they have a place on paper

Sometimes I have to write poetry

To turn the soil

And keep them from eating the stems of my tomato plants

Blooming bright red and full as beating hearts in the summer sunshine

So I snuggle under your arm

For warmth

For comfort

For missing words

What did I want really?

I wonder

Later

For him to say

He’s forgotten

Everything

Anyone else ever meant

Ever since

He saw

my dusty sneakers and hesitant smile

Ever since I started writing him poems and leaving pieces of myself behind for him to pick up

Words and paper and drawings of mermaids and a thing called xxxx

It’s just that

I fall asleep

To the sound

Of songs

That remind me of what it means

To know you

And I wake up

With yesterday’s memories of compliments and footprints in the sand first and foremost in my mind

You’re all my greatest hopes and fears

All my calendar boxes and all my daydreams

It’s just that I’m silly and sixteen

And sure

I guess I could write

A pretty good speech

If that’s what you want

I’d do it

For you

But I throw a palm over my eyelids and tell myself

To stop

This train

Because

There’s nothing good ahead

And I wrap myself up in your sweater and lay down on my bed

And kiss my fingers as I count all the reasons I trust you

1. You know all my names forwards and backwards
2. You keep the letters I write and you think about what my words mean
3. You understand what it’s like to carry on
4. You grab my hands when I’m caught in the eye of the tornado and pull me out
5. You brush my tears away with your thumb
6. You smile when you say see you soon
7. You want to talk to me at 11:11
8. You say we’re a team
9. You care. I really think you do.

I tuck the strings back into my heart and start placing the petals back inside the vases on my counter

I know you know me

I know you know the ways I think about tomorrow

I know you realize how afraid I am of being left somewhere alone in the rain, like a cliche movie about falling in and out of hope and car doors

You know I try to appear porcelain when I am crumbling like old brick

You know I hide concern behind smiles and fear behind concern

You know how important it all is to me

You know

I only let

you

Hold my hand

You know

So I’ll

Sit here

Still

And quiet

And wait for when I can call you on the phone

And talk for a while

Like they used to in the seventies

And I know

You’ll be there

waiting

For me

xx


this is an old poem, but I'm going to be in my school's poetry slam (screams) and am thinking of reading it. what do you think? also I kind of want to publish a poetry book but have no idea how. hope you all had a lovely christmas, am so thankful for you <3

I've Been Away For a Time, and Now I'm Trying to Find my Way Back Home

Hello my friends.

It's been a while hasn't it? 

Many of you may have noticed my absence lately. Or, rather, my recurring absences. If you've been around a while, you may have realized I have not started my traditional Blogmas series this year. Or you might just be seeing how terribly inconsistent I've been in general.

I'd just like to start with an apology. I want you all to know that I love producing content for you and nothing brings me more joy than seeing your reactions to my work and interacting with all of you. I have also missed you dearly.

Lots of stuff has been happening in my life lately, the surface level of it being college applications. I did not anticipate that there would be so much work. I have felt so overwhelmed by trying to figure out my future that even doing things I love (like blogging) has felt overwhelming and stressful. School and other stuff has also been piling up, and right now I'm away from home because of the devastating fire that has been spreading around California. We left town because the air quality was 'hazardous', and the fire just creeping closer. However, as of last night it has been improving, and I am hopeful that we may be able to go home by Wednesday. Please pray for the families and the fire it has affected, it's been a difficult and scary time for lots of people around here.

So these are a few things going on right now. But, in a lighter sense, I'm nearly done with my applications, Christmas is around the corner, I'm in love, I'm alive, and poetry is a beautiful thing. I've been reading some wonderful books and listening to some excellent music. My art portfolio and my ideas are growing. And a new year with a fresh start is up ahead. And I am back on my blog. It feels so good to write these words and finally have time to sit down and get back on track here at my little home on the internet. I missed this (and all of you lovely, lovely readers) so much, and I have never stopped thinking about you!

So, anyways, I just wanted to say, hello, I'm back, and I'm doing my best. So thank you, be gentle on yourself, and always pick the flowers on the side of the road <3