A Wish I Forgot to Make

Beginnings are hard for me
I erase too much
And then it doesn't flow right
How to get from A to B is a challenge in itself
So let's just skip that step
I leave my plants in a drought and my room messy for too long
Do I find comfort in the chaos?
I'm not sure,
I know I do find something in order but I don't know what
I found an eye for you
I could sew it on and you could see
But you've been missing it for so long it almost looks strange
I keep floating back
Over and over
My teeth are too straight
It shouldn't matter
I have too many library books sitting on my shelf for anything to matter
But it does
And I catch myself watching for you in the tinted windows of passing cars as I walk home
Clothes soaked and heart waterlogged
The streets were covered in confetti
Who would clean it up?
And I wonder
If your invitation
I've so long awaited
Is an answer to a wish I didn't make
forgot to make
On that shooting star last night
It's hard to remember to wish on a star when you are feeling so close to the one who threw it across the sky
I have a bruised purple finger
A reminder that physical pain is real
And so are car doors
I feel I have so many blemishes
But really I am more whole than most
And my selfishness shames me
I paint my lips black
Maybe 16 will be the year I can add another needle
Olive branches on tan skin
Six dollar shirts
A sandwich I've never tasted
And experiencing a place I've never been
I wish I could stop
Living the present in the future
Why can't I just let it go?
Maybe you help me stay in the present
Or maybe you just help me forget the present, past, and future exist
You'd think I was philosophical
But really I wear octopus pajamas while writing overthought poetry that I try too hard to make sound under-thought
And I'm just as tired as you
Bandaids don't stop the pain, they just hide it
So everyone knows something hurts
But nobody knows what
Except for you.

Why is every poem I write like a million years long? Sorry guys.


  1. Such a great title :D
    if you are interested, a few friends & me have a word war google chat group for nano. Just send me a link to your account, if you want to join the writing team, so I can add you ;)

    1. Ah Mic, thank you so much for the invite, unfortunately I have just become too crammed to properly participate in nano this year :( although I plan to write a lot alongside all of you I don't think I can commit to every day. Thank you so much for thinking of me though <3 as well as your sweet comment!

    2. You wouldn't have to be a part of nano this year (just write with us), but I understand! It's a big commitment ;).

    3. Mic I want to but then I also don't want to get in the way of you guys working on your nano projects, since I barely have any time to really write these days. Thank you so much for the invitation though, and if you do it again next year be sure to let me know <3

  2. Wow, your writing is phenomenal. ♥

    1. Thank you so much <3 I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

  3. Wow, that was amazing Vivian. It's beautiful, and so real and truthful. I love the line, "You'd think I was philosophical, But really I wear octopus pajamas while writing overthought poetry that I try too hard to make sound under thought", I can really relate to that line :-)
    -Jollygirl @ Reflections of a Jolly Girl

    1. Hahah thanks! Yep-- I think all poets or writers or artists in general relate to that. Sometimes it's the rawness of it that makes it beautiful. Thanks for the comment <3