What it's Really Like to Be in High School

What's it really like? Well I honestly think that Taylor Swift describes it best - "We're happy, free, confused, lonely at the same time. It's magical and miserable." There it is. In other words, it's a little of everything.

It's cool to feel older, I suppose. I mean, I'm in high school. I know that in elementary school and even junior high I thought of that as a sort of unattainable age, like it was about as far away as the nearest galaxy. But here I am. And let me tell you, it's definitely NOT like High School Musical. Sorry to disappoint you eighth graders. There's not half as much dancing and singing and music without a discernible source. And there is no super popular group and geek group and all that. There's just sort of a mush of kids who all sort of know each other, some better and others. Sure they separate out, but mainly there's a lot of intermingling. Not everyone's in a relationship, and if you are then you probably don't sing duets every other sentence (again, bummer, that would make math class about a thousand times more interesting).

But sometimes it feels like its a combination of more freedom than you've ever experienced and at the same time so much WORK all the time. I had midterms this week, and it was maybe one of the most miserable weeks of my life. I was stressed out every moment of the day, and when I was taking a break from endless studying, I felt guilty for not having my head stuck in a textbook. Everyone has stuff for you to do.

You're sort of figuring yourself out- who you want to be, what you want to wear, what music you want to listen to. And those feel like awful big choices. And while you're figuring that out, your staring at yourself in the mirror trying so hard to understand who the heck that person staring back at you is.

You have moments where you walk out the door to school and you feel great and confident and love yourself, and moments when you slam the front door and absolutely despise who you are and pray that nobody at school thinks you're as pathetic as you think you are.

 You worry a lot, or at least I do. And then I also have moments where I want to take big risks and try crazy new things that I never would've done in the past.

 You wonder what people are thinking of you, and then decide that whatever they're thinking, you don't care because you're going to do whatever the heck you want. You daydream a lot, because sometimes the dream is better than the boring reality. You dream about what you'll do when you're older, the places you'll go, the people you'll meet. And then you wish desperately that you'd never age and in fact you'd like to just go back to kindergarten.

And you have moments that are so new and exhilarating and you try to act cool like you do this all the time but in real life it's pretty dang exciting.

You get exposed to plenty of new content that can be frankly shocking and somewhat scarring, because some of those kids have pretty dirty minds. Yeesh. And you have to be careful what you bring home to your little sisters. You hear more cussing then you ever have in your entire life in a span of a day, and you worry your ears might go deaf from all the harsh language.

And if you're me, then you get so lost in the moment that you wonder how all the other kids your age can stand always being trapped in their phones. And boy are they. Sometimes you feel that conversations without a screen are practically an endangered species. So you make an effort to put your device away so that other people can see you like you're dying to see them.

You want to go hang out with friends, but you also want to go hide in your room and read books for the rest of your life and never talk to anyone.

And you have stuff to SAY. And you feel like you've got a lot of big ideas. And you want people to listen. So I guess that's why I started this blog, so that I could say all the stuff swirling around in my head. And there's high school in a nutshell.

What my desk, and life, actually looked like this week.

4 comments :

  1. Thank you for the timely post... I'm still rather confused and everything's just not sure yet. But I guess I'll stick to homeschooling and have one last year of freedom where I can spend it however i like, then go to school the next year (2017).

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    1. I'm glad this post was accurate to your life right now- I understand feeling conflicted about which school to attend. In junior high I ended up switching schools in the middle of the year, and I remember it being a difficult decision. And it is a big decision! I'm glad that you've reached some peace about it. I've found that doing what feels good (and praying a lot about the decision) is usually the best. And it will all work out in the end. Glad you liked my post- I've really been enjoying your blog as of late!

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  2. Vivian! Your post is spot on. I'm a senior in high school and I can relate with everything you write. High school is sure something. Being a senior all I am focused on is graduating, I can not wait to be done! I hope you have a good rest of your highschool experience

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    1. Thanks! You're definitely right, high school is sure something! Good luck with senior year- I hope you have a good rest of your high school experience as well, and that college is fun!

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