Magnet Poetry + Life Update


left this in my school library. it was gone by lunch.

xx

hey friends- it's been a bit hasn't it? but i've been keeping up with all of you and there's some superb writing happening out there in the blogosphere, as always, and i love commenting on all your lovely posts.

easter was two days ago and i ate a lot of eggs and went to church and saw my family and held ladybugs. so that was pleasant.

school. is. death.
i'm what the kids call exhausted XD ((is this a meme? I don't even know, forgive me if I'm saying something ridiculous, it happens a lot))

someone told me to count down from five when my world is spinning. it's helping a little.

i went out to eat fancy chinese food and saw a movie and held a boy's hand. i also wore a dress??? and had a lovely time?? we saw your name though which was  A M A Z I N G  was not prepared for the emotions.

sometimes i can't catch my breath and i end up on the bathroom floor at my school during a fourth period. and they asked me if i was ok and i said yes. i guess.

new music is a great thing to have when you're sort of over it all.

my throat hurts but i still have to go to school. so goodbye for now.

and how are all of you?

remember


dear little girl with shaky hands and lonely eyes and long tangled hair,


oh. my dear. when i see your hopeful heart and pure soul i get a feeling in my lungs that's so good and so bad all at once. so much melancholy tea and teardrops and forgotten smiles. i understand the places you've been, and i'm going the places you'll go. don't let them steal your smile, my love. when you get to cold concrete hallways you'll have to learn to face the ghosts inside you, clawing for your attention. you'll have to learn that you were never meant to face these things alone. call His name. He'll rescue you. when you're frozen underneath flannel bedsheets and the distribution of gravity must be off because you're being sucked down into some black hole in your mattress, repeat those words. again and again. repeat His name. the army of darkness, angry and fearful though they be, cannot break these words of truth. say it again, my love, again and again and again.

and i see your loneliness. i see it so clear, like days when you can look all the way to the islands, floating on a calm sea, from the front porch of your house. it took me a while but now i understand. it's ok, it's ok to be alone for the time. it's ok to talk to the grass and the birds and the characters you make up. it's ok to write stories of people and places you'd like to meet, experiences you'd like to have. it's ok to give your creations your flaws but not your situations. it's ok to dream sometimes. but don't let it tear you too far from the moment. from thankfulness and hopefulness. don't forget to write notes of thanksgiving on old envelopes and send them to the clouds. they'd like to hear. don't forget how close your true best friend is, how He's holding your hand and hugging you when you're sitting alone in a busy square, watching the people watch each other, and wondering where you got forgotten. the truth is my dear, you never were, He's telling you that. you don't need a flesh and blood hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on to know that you're loved, so loved. you're a princess, never forget it. and your best companions are the cross around your neck and the heart in your ribcage. don't forget these things.

one day, things will change, and that old blue picture frame you have on your dresser will get a new picture inside, for the first time since you received it, so many christmases ago. and for the first time, you won't feel a pang of longing and loneliness when you look at the old photo, when you take it out and put it in your bedside table drawer, where the rest of the past belongs, treasured but over. and there's a new pair of smiling faces inside.

and the truth is, there's a plan written for you, in some heavenly notebook, and your footsteps are carefully charted. now you sit in silence, and worry you're somehow, with your tiny fingers and tiny mind, messing something up. you're not. you can't. life is a gift. live it. please, don't let it become a burden.

remember how beautiful you are, how light you can be, you've been given the ability to be. remember to breath, my love, and remember the truth. i promise, it'll set you free.

Mini Story: Flowers


I gripped the straps of my backpack tightly, my knuckles white from the strain. My eyes focused out over the hallways, foot tapping too fast against the cold cement. Brown wisps of wavey hair covered my face, obscuring my vision. I tried and failed to blow them out of my eyes. I sighed.

Again.

Attempting to straighten my shoulders under the heavy weight of the books on my back, I marched into the fray. Kids of all shapes and sizes strutted past me, laughing, glaring, holding hands, mock fighting. I reached down and turned up the music playing into my earbuds and tried to drown out the myriad of voices crowding the cramped space. My eyes darted over each person, noting appearances and changes without thought. My cheeks felt heavy.

Bells rang. Math. I hate calculus. My teacher handed me back my test. A-. Thank God. I sigh a prayer of relief and press the cold tips of my fingers to my cheeks. English. At least there's time to read. I draw all over the margins. History. I listened in the back of the class, quietly. My neighbor tried to talk to me about her cat. I nodded, didn't respond, smiled weakly. Why am I always so tired?

My agenda started to fill up and I felt the weight of more sand getting dumped into my lungs as I contemplated all the assignments I had to do within the next eight hours. The ache of dread was dull and copper colored, stress so deep and so stale, like moldy, musty attic air you forget you're breathing because it's been there so long. I laid my head down on my cool desk and tried to imagine fields of flowers where I didn't have to solve logarithms for a letter on a piece of folded paper. It's harder than it sounds.

Lunch came and I knew there were people half-waiting for me but I didn't much feel like talking to them. So I sat on a sunny curb hidden behind an oak tree and drew daisies in my notebook. My bootlace was untied and I didn't bother tying it. My phone buzzed.

where you at?

sitting near the english classrooms. 

can I come?

if you want

I didn't mind so much.

Tall boy with long piano fingers and blond hair arrives a few minutes later and squats down next to me. His black jeans are ripped and scuffed, and a trail of dark blue paint is smeared over the left pocket. I tap the toe of his Vans sneakers with my boot and he taps mine back.

"Hey." He looks at my tired eyes and freckled cheeks carefully. He doesn't smile much, just examines me thoughtfully.
"You tired?"
I nod.
"Hiding?"
"I didn't feel like talking."
He quirks up the left corner of his mouth. Readjusts himself so he's leaning back against the curb with me. "Even me?"
I roll my eyes. "Mmm."
He laughs and puts an arm around my shoulder. I let him pull me into his chest, let my head be tired and let myself rest against him for a moment. I inhaled his comforting smell, like cranberries on a summer day, tart but sweet and so alive. So awake. I wished I felt as awake as he smelled.

He let go and I leaned back. "How's the sadness?"
I shrugged. "Average." One thing I liked about Oliver was that he never labeled me as depressed or called my endless despair state depression. Just sadness. Sadness sounded like something normal. Something that just was. It didn't make me sound alien or strange. It just made me sound like I felt. Sad.

He nodded and pointed to my graphite flowers. "Nice." He tugged a huge black spiral bound sketchbook out of his backpack and set it on his legs, fishing around in the front zipper pocket for his charcoal pencil. He stuck the pencil between his teeth and started flipping pages. I tried to lean over and see but he turned and blocked my view with his shoulder. I laughed, surprising myself with the sound, like confetti in grey room, and tugged on his arm. He didn't budge, of course. I wasn't all that strong.

He turned back to face me, taking the pencil out of his mouth and twirling it in his fingers. He pointed with his left hand. There was a skull ring on his middle finger and his thumb was painted black with nail polish. "Like that?"

A dragon sat, perched gracefully on a stone, scales glistening in some unseen light source of the corner of the page.

"Lovely. Wow, that shading is perfect. How long?"

"Few class periods. Started it yesterday." He shook his shaggy bangs out of his face. Tapped my book with his long pinky. "Your turn."
"There's nothing good. Nothing but more flowers."
"I love flowers."
"You must be bored of them by now."
"I could never get bored of your flowers."

I sighed and flipped to a page where I had drawn exactly fifty lilies of the valley, all tightly bunched in a corner. A receipt from the local comic book store was taped inside, along with a real, pressed lily.

"Beautiful."
"Nah. It's just doodles. All I ever draw are doodles. Nothing ever is polished or looks finished or professional."

He cocked his head.
"So?"
"So...that's dumb. You can't be an artist drawing doodles in a lined notebook forever."
He shrugged. "Yeah you can. You're doing it. You're just as much an artist as Michelangelo."
"No."
"Yes. You just have your own style. Give yourself credit for it. It's what you like and what you want to express and it's wonderful."

I looked down and plucked at a blade of grass growing in the sidewalk. I pulled it up, roots and all, and tucked it into the breast-pocket of his black button up.
He bowed. "Thank you." He readjusted it so it wouldn't fall out.

"Save it?" He asked.
I nodded.
"Alright, I'll bring it back in a week. Pressed and laminated."
"Thanks."
"Anytime."

xx

inspired by the sad ghost club 

NorCal, Universities, and Cherry Blossom Trees

Hey friends!

So I'm just back from a road trip with my family. It's currently my spring break, and we decided to spend part of the week off driving for long hours up the coast to visit (cue the intense, dramatic music) potential colleges (duh duh duh)! It was a wild week, full of interesting food experiences, amazing architecture, a fair amount of both excitement and overwhelm, and beautiful, blooming flowers. Taking this trip in spring was so special; all the flowers were blooming and everything smelled like heaven. Even though I was attacked by allergies it was still so worth it. I took a whole bunch of photos, so I thought I'd do a little show and tell about my trip for you all. Enjoy :)

Driving

This trip definitely included a lot of time in the car. I'm a little strange in the sense that I treasure long hours spend in the back of a car, listening to music and watching the world go by. My friend and I made each other playlists to take on our trips. It's really pleasant to watch rolling hills and blue skies go by while listening to The Smiths. And just look at those clouds!



The Capitol

We began our trip in Sacramento, where we had the chance to tour the capitol building. Look how gorgeous the grounds were!







UC Davis

Our first college tour was of the University of California, Davis. I was very impressed by the beautiful, modern campus, and the emphasis on agriculture and environmental sciences. Not to mention the cute town of Davis outside the campus, where we enjoyed crepes and spent some time sitting in a park and enjoying the warm spring air. It was overall a lovely day.







San Francisco

Next we headed down the coast to San Francisco, which was such a special experience. I love the city and it was a lot of fun for me to experience it's modern, exciting, and historical vibe. We drove through nearly the whole city, and then ended our driving tour at the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate park, which was beautifully in bloom. We also ate some delicious noodles in China town, and appreciated the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge.











UC Berkeley

While in San Francisco, we had the opportunity to visit the University of California, Berkeley. Oh my gosh guys, that campus is like the Athens of the college world. Wow. The architecture was stunning and so gorgeous. Not to mention the awesome little town right outside the campus- I ate a burrito, got green tea ice cream, and found all my favorite artist's CD's in this neat retro music store. Way cool.









Stanford

Our next school tour was of Stanford, located in Silicon Valley. That campus was perfect in every way. It was neat to have the chance to visit and consider such a prestigious school.




Santa Cruz

We then headed down to the beach town of Santa Cruz. Santa Cruz is neat in the fact that it's both right on the ocean and right next to the forest. Our inn was right on the beach, so I got to fall asleep hearing the waves crash against the shore. I slept the best at that hotel for sure. 


UC Santa Cruz

The last school on our tour was the University of California Santa Cruz. This school had a very woodsy vibe, being right in the middle of an amazing redwood forest. But you could still see a beautiful ocean view from the field. What an amazing campus!





xx


And that was my trip! I had a wonderful time, but I'm also happy to be home. I have so many things to consider about my future, it's both overwhelming and exciting. You guys have any preferences? Drop me a comment about your favorite school :)

Some Nights



some nights I'm just
sixteen years old
and a little bit tired
and the world is dark brown and my eyelids are heavy
i tip my head back agains brick walls and try not to think too much
but it's hard
because
i live in a hurricane
sometimes
but maybe
if i keep writing cliche poetry during class and letting my cheeks get warmed by the sun
and if i remember friday nights come once a week and it's really all not as big as it feels
maybe
i'll be ok

xx

i'm sorry friends but it seems i've run out of interesting things to say for a time. it happens. i'm enjoying your company in the comments though and all your lovely posts on your own corners of the internet. hopefully some inspiration will fall from the sky and knock me on the head soon, but for now enjoy these mildly aesthetic posts of out of context poetry and random grungy photos. stay lovely <3

((and listen to some nights by fun because you just have too ok nobody else is into this band i need some friends anyone else out there also obsessed with the sound of nate ruess' voice and a ridiculous amount of auto-tune??))

Sketchbook Work

Hello hello!

My sketchbook and I have become basically inseparable ever since my new semester started. Good friends stick together during tough times I suppose. I've been drawing every spare moment I get, and have been enjoying playing around with markers and pens. I want more Copics!!

randomness

awkward punk

more randomness

...bastille fanart...

i ruined this with that weird hand bleh don't look at it

she looks cool

ALIENS

it got a little splattered by the rain


i ship them^^

watercolor mermaid

doodles while talking on the phone

he's smol and innocent and wearing a flower crown aw

i'm still obsessed with dr. strange so here's a random half-finished sketch of him

he looks like an emo nerd i like him

i'm getting excited for spring and I also can't draw hands someone send help please

rad warrior girl check out that sword

anyone else been drawing lately? Comment below what's going on in your sketchbook/tablet/canvases/journal etc. 

shoutout to my friend who i gave my blog link here's some more art you owe me your art tumblr link now XD